Breathe Again
by 4theLoveofCamelot
Summary: *Spoilers* This story starts off during Merlin's final episode. Queen Gwen must continue ruling Camelot without her loving King Arthur at her side. But she doesn't have to struggle alone. Leon, her right hand and most loyal knight, has sworn an oath to protect and serve his queen no matter the cost. Can Gwen continue to lead Camelot into its long promised golden age?
1. Chapter 1

"Guinevere."

A pair of warm lips gently places a soft kiss against my left cheek. His lips linger there for a few seconds before moving towards my temple. He presses himself closer from behind me. The heat from his chest penetrates deeply through the thin silk material of my night gown against my back. I hope he would not notice the accelerated beating of my heart.

I could feel his fingers entwining in my curly brown hair. He went to move a lock behind my ear.

"Wake up, my love."

His hot breath so close against my left ear made my body shiver. I sucked in a sharp breath. No denying that he noticed. He let out a small chuckle. The hand that caressed my hair was now moving lower to rest on my hip. He gave the flesh there a gently squeeze before sliding his hand to the front of my stomach. His fingers begin to massage the soft skin on my belly. Every touch he was making made my heart beat faster and my breath shorter.

"My beautiful wife." His voice was but a whisper, still, so close to my ear.

Wife. My eyes shot open.

Arthur and I held our marriage ceremony last night. It was still much a blur, but that is what I am now.

A wife.

Arthur's wife.

Soon to be crowned Queen of Camelot.

I rolled my body to face him.

My husband.

He gently places his forehead to rest against mine. I had nowhere to look but into his beautiful green eyes.

"Good morning, my wife." My heart wanted to leap out of my chest. Hearing him call me that sounded so good coming from his lips. He stayed there with his intense eyes piercing back into mine, waiting. I knew what it was he was fishing for. He needed to hear it too.

"Good morning, my husband." My voice was small and almost inaudible. But it was enough.

I saw a flash of his handsome grin before feeling his lips upon mine. The kiss was long and feverish and I couldn't help but let a small groan escape from my lips. A blush creeps up on my chest and cheeks when I realize how silly the noises I make must be. But it only makes him crush his lips onto mine even more. When we finally break apart, our short breaths mingle into each other. We stare into each other's eyes for what seems like a small eternity. It was him who broke the silence.

"Tis almost midday." This really surprises me.

"What? Are you sure?" I turn to face the east window. Sure enough, the sun is shining very brightly and straight into the room. I almost shoot out of bed when I felt his strong arms slip around my waist.

"Hang on a minute, Guinevere. There's no need to be so eager to get out of bed."

I can't help but look back at him with questioning eyes. All my life I had been so used to working as a serving girl from the start of dawn long till the sun had set at night. Every day. By this time, I would have already finished with the washing and cleaning. Now, I would starting on setting the lunch table for the castle's household. He must have sensed where my mind was.

"You do not have to worry about those things anymore, Guinevere." Both his hands went to hold my face close to his. He's right. There's no need to go back to that working schedule. I am the wife of the King of Camelot. Not a serving girl anymore. That will take a lot of getting used to.

"Besides, I want to cherish this morning. It is the day after our wedding night after all." Although he wasn't flashing one of his crooked grins, I can hear the smirk in his voice. My face begins to feel hot all over again thinking about how we had started our paths together as husband and wife. Never had I felt anything so magical, so wonderful. He leaves lingering kisses both my cheeks. I was such a nervous wreck. I still am a nervous wreck and I knew he can see the embarrassment in my eyes. Still cupping my face, he looks deep into my eyes.

"My beautiful wife, words cannot express how incandescently content you have made me. Last night was the best night of my being." And with that, it was I who leans in to wrap my arms around his neck. I bury my face in his neck so deep to breathe in his intoxicating scent of man and rose petals. I can't help but laugh as I break free and see the crushed red petals that surround us in bed. A romantic gesture courtesy of Merlin.

"Yes well… I'll have Merlin clean this mess up." He nervously laughs. I gasp.

"No, he can't! I'll clean it up!" I jump out of bed and start smoothing out the pillows and stripping the cover off the bed.

"But my love, I already said you don't have to be a serving girl anymore. This isn't your job." His eyebrows knit together, expressing confusion.

"I don't mind!" I say too enthusiastically. He catches on quickly. He steps in front of me, peeling the covers from my hands to wrap his caressing hands in mine.

"Guinevere."

I can't help but feel my breathing slightly falter as I hear him say my name through his wonderful lips.

"Darling, do not feel embarrassed by what took place last night." I narrow my eyes.

"I-…I am not embarrassed. I just… don't want… Merlin to… see the mess we have made." The words struggle to leave my mouth. His loud laugh startles me. I can't help but smile as I watch his face light up.

"It was our first night together as husband and wife. Merlin may be an idiot but he's not that stupid. He'll see how much we loved his gift to us."

His scoops up a handful of broken petals and showers them around us. He then kneels down to one knee and takes my hands into his.

"Anyway, my queen, how would you like to start our day together?" I'm taken back by his movement.

"But I am not queen yet." I nervously say. The coronation isn't for another seven days. He sighs.

"Oh, Guinevere. How wrong you are. You have always been queen in my heart since I first loved you." His voice is sweet and serene.

"Is that so?" I laugh lightly.

"Yes, It's very much so, my queen." He beams his warm smile up at me and my heart melts. His fingers run over my knuckles and wedding band. The feel of the metal seems to make him smile even brighter.

"Shall we start off our day with a nice hot breakfast, my queen?" He's still waiting for an answer. Oh, there is another way which I would like to start off our day and the thought of it sends another red blush creeping to my cheeks.

"My queen?" He asks again. With just one look, he understands. His strong arms scoop me up and return us both to bed.

"My queen?"

My head jerks to the voice. I am now staring into the eyes of Sir Leon, my right hand. He looks at me with a questionable expression. Just like that, I am ripped away from my memory. I am sitting at the round table. All eyes from my loyal knights are resting on me. I read confusion in some and sadness in others. Gaius raises his brow in my direction. The quiet seconds that pass on feel like hours. I swallow the hard lump forming in my throat.

"Sir Leon?" I ask.

No point in trying to pretend that I was listening. I am already a mess as it is. I try to even my breathing but it's no use. It comes out broken and much too loudly.

"My apologies. My thoughts are elsewhere." On Arthur, Only on Arthur.

I smile at my knights and Gaius. But I fool no one.

"Pardon, your highness. You look unrested. Why not return to your chambers for a while? Our meeting is finished anyway." Percival says.

"I'm fine." I say with too much tone in my voice. I straighten myself in my chair.

"My lady, I can see how disoriented the lack of sleep has made you. Let me prepare you a sleeping draft." Gaius said. It's too hard to hide anything from this physician. I smile weakly at him.

"Thank you, Gaius. Once again, my apologies to you knights. It has been a long day." They stand to bow as I exit the room. I walk the long empty hallway back to my chambers.

I wasn't expecting to be followed so it startled me to hear a voice calling me from behind.

"My queen!" Leon runs to catch up. I am standing right by my chamber door when he stops himself in front of me. I fold my hands together in front of my body.

"Sir Leon."

A few seconds of silence pass between us till he finally utters what was on his mind.

"We will find him. I know we will." He says, his brown eyes staring back intently into mine.

My hands moved up to my chest, as if trying to comfort the tightening feel I have in my heart. But it doesn't help. I let out my breath, it comes out shaky.

"Thank you, Sir Leon." I whisper. I turn and quickly enter my chambers before the tears begin to flow freely from my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Merlin. Be warned! My fanfic contains spoilers of the final episode of Merlin. I am simply a fan who wishes to write about how Gwen's life continues on as sole ruler of Camelot. I tried to keep everything in line with the last episode, but you guys will notice some slight changes from the final episode.

* * *

I can make out a small figure standing on top of a large rocky hill. Heavy wind lashes his long white hair around face as he raises his weapon into the sky. Thunderous sounds and blinding white light shoot out from the sorcerer's staff. The deafening sounds of swords clashing and thunder echo off the rocky mountain sides. But there's another sound that I do not remember being present at the battle. Footsteps on the marble floor. Once I hear them entering the round table room, the events of Camlann vanish from my thoughts. I turn away from the large glass windows to face the gentle old man as he stops himself ten feet away from me.

"You called for me, my lady?"

I can't help but smile as I hear the familiar voice I've grown up around since I was little.

"I want to thank you, Gaius."

"What for?" His face was still but his voice was laced with minor curiosity.

"Unmasking Eira. I shall forever be in your debt."

The young face and dark hair of my dear friend flash in my thoughts. His sweet smile gently tugs at my heart strings.

"And Merlin's," I finish saying.

His eyes flicker at his name.

"Was it he who found Arthur?" I ask.

"He's a good servant," Gaius says.

"He's always been there at Arthur's side," I say, thinking of how inseparable the two have always been.

Gaius pauses as if lost in thought.

"Indeed," He answers.

I take slow steps towards him as the sorcerer enters my thoughts.

"The sorcerer in the battle, you knew who he was," My eyes slightly narrow At Gaius. I realize what I had said was a statement rather than a question.

Gaius keeps his face still as stone, pausing again as if he's thinking cautiously how to answer back. He knows where this conversation is going. I hold my breath.

"Yes," His voice soft yet a slight edge present.

"Do I know him?" I ask, trying to keep my voice calm as my mind races with images of Merlin and the old sorcerer with long white hair standing side by side. His head tilts up and breathes in a sharp breath. A long pause again.

"Please, Gaius. Answer me honestly," I say. My heart swells. I already know the answer. And yet, I need to hear it from someone else who knows.

He opens his mouth as if to say something, but no sound comes out. After another long pause, his voice comes out soft and comforting.

"Yes."

Realization sparks as I connect the information. All this time, how could I have not known? But as quick as the shock had come, I am overcome by gratitude and content. I let out a breath of relief. I almost did not catch the slight nod from Gaius. It had been so subtle. But relief washes over his face to finally share such a secret with me.

"He'll take good care of him," he says.

"Yes, I'm sure he will," I smile at my gentle old friend. "I'm pleased," I say.

Gaius smiles back as he bows and takes is leave. I turn back at the windows, to stare at the sunlight shining brightly through the panels. Knowing Arthur is in greater hands than I can imagine, I pray that my husband and friend make it back home safely.

"It is time," Leon says. I let out a sigh, knowing this is something I cannot dismiss but it is something that must be done. I stand from my chair, smoothing out the front of my red velvet dress as I take the lead out of my chambers. Leon follows closely behind. It is only us that walk the quiet corridor towards the second level balcony. He says nothing else to me as we make our way towards our destination. Yet, his presence is comforting and much needed knowing I am about to do something unsettling but very much necessary. We reach the balcony that overlooks the castle square. My arms hang at my sides and shift slightly to face the wooden structure surrounded by guards and townsfolk.

From the lower castle doors, guards drag out a blonde woman into the sunlight. All eyes present focus on her terrified face, but nothing can be done. She reaches the gallows and the executioner slips the rope around her small neck. I swallow back the bile that has crept its way up my throat and into my mouth. For a second, nothing happens until Leon clears his throat. Then I realize it is I who must carry out the public sentence.

"You have been found guilty of committing treason against your country. You were caught conspiring with the enemy," I say. The young woman begins to shake her head and cries hysterically. I breathe in deeply and ball my hands into tight fists to hide the shaking. There is stinging in my palms but I continue on.

"By the laws of Camelot, you shall die a traitor's death. Eira, I sentence you to hang by the neck until you are dead." I know it is me who has spoken, but the voice that comes out does not sound like my own. It is deep with no hint of remorse. It is too late to take anything back now. The first sound is of the wooden trap opening, then rustling and choking. It slows down to a stop and it is deathly quiet in the square. As like everyone else, my eyes are on the limp body as it sways gently in the air. I can't help but be reminded of my father swinging by the end of the same rope in this same square in front of the same crowd. But instead of Uther up on the balcony, it is me. I swallow the hard lump in my throat. Am I just as bad as Uther? I have blood on my hands now. But it does not belong to my father. It belongs to someone who has betrayed our beloved city. Someone who has put Morgana straight into the path of Arthur.

Someone who has endangered all of our lives.

My head spins and I slightly rock in my heels. I feel a presence at my side. I turn to see Leon standing by me, much closer than I had remembered when we stepped out onto the balcony. His lips barely part.

"Breathe," he whispers. It had been muttered so softly that I didn't think it came from Sir Leon himself. He held an emotionless expression but his brown eyes flash anxiously into mine. I wrinkle my brow in confusion until I realize I had been holding my breath. How did Leon know? The air that escapes from me is muted and shaky and I breathe in clean air again and again, trying to not look so desperate for oxygen. The rush of air has made my cheeks flush tremendously. Leon gives the smallest nod and I turn to enter the castle, away from the blistering sun light, away from death. Royals and officials step aside with their heads bowed low as I walk past, eager to return to my chambers. I turn the nearest corner and feel a gloved hand at my wrist. Reflexively, I jerk my hand away but then I am spun to face the tall knight.

"Wait!" Leon says. He brings the palms of my hands up between us. He stares at the crescent marks that my nails have dug into my palms. We stare at the blood that slowly seeps its way to the surface of my skin. I want to pull my hands away from his because I am embarrassed of foolishly hurting myself. But I know he is just doing his duty as my right hand, always looking out for me, no matter how minor the problem is. His face turns to grimace; I suspect he must be angry.

"We must go to Gaius," He says.

"No!" I exclaim. His eyes widen at my reply. I pull my hands away quickly as if his touch was like fire and turn away from Leon.

"There's no need. They are only minor cuts I can easily wash. I am not going to die from something so mundane, am I?" I ask. As calmly as I had tried to ask him this, I cannot help but taste the acidic tone I had just spat out to my loyal knight. There is a long pause between us before he speaks again.

"Of course not." His voice replies in a quiet tone and I hear the shuffling of his boots. Guilt from my out lash sets in. How could I speak in such a way to my knight? My friend? He followed me here out of concern for me and here I am replying with an angry black lash.

"I am sorry, my queen. It wasn't in my pla-," But I cut him off before he can finish his sentence.

"No, Leon, I'm the one who's sorry," I start. I turn to face him but he keeps his eyes to the floor, his posture slightly bowing.

"There is no excuse for me to be so rude with you. It is I who should be the one to apologize." He doesn't move from his spot. He takes another pause before speaking again.

"I can only imagine how hard things must be for you at this time. I just wish to be able to better serve you," he says. He tries not to show it, but a look of worry hangs around the edge of his tensed face. I close the gap between us and place my right hand on his left arm. His eyes move from the floor to my face. I feel the cold chainmail move beneath my fingers as he straightens his posture. I couldn't help but compare his height to Arthur's. Leon is much taller than him, almost by a solid foot. As Arthur is already taller than me, Leon towers over my height.

I know," I say. "I know it's your duty to serve me as my right hand during the time when the king is absent and I can honestly see how much you care. I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for Arthur and now for me. We are both extremely lucky to have a great friend. Thank you, Sir Leon," I gently squeeze his arm, but I am not sure if he can feel the gesture underneath his chainmail and padded jacket.

"Thank you," I repeat, this time with a subtle but genuine smile. Sentiment flashes within his eyes as he breaks eye contact to bow. Even as a friend, he shows such devoted loyalty and respect. Always so formal. I was about to say something else before he steps back from my grasp and takes his leave. I stare at my friend as he retreats around the corner of the hallway. I stay long after, hearing no more of the echoing of his retreated footsteps. In that moment I think of Arthur, Merlin, my father, and Elyan. Two lost to death, the other two together trying to find their way back home I hope. My palms begin to ache. I cannot afford to lose someone else I care about.

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**Thank you for reading chapter two of my Breathe again fanfic. Please leave comments and reviews. If some people are confused about the timeline of this story, it begins when Arthur goes missing right after the battle of Calmann. So sadly, she does not know what has happened to our beloved king ;_;**

**Does Gwen and Gaius's conversation sound familiar? **


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! Been a couple months since the last update. So sorry! Having a professional career has its ups and downs. all work, no play...*sigh* Plus the net book I was using to write this story decided to lock me out of my chapters. I had to rewrite this chapter from memory and put together the plot for this fanfic all over again. This starts off where chapter two left off. Arthur and Merlin have still not returned and now Gwaine and Percival are nowhere to be found. Poor Gwen! All her friends disappearing around her.

OXOXOXOXOXOXXOXO

I would have knocked had my mind not have been elsewhere. Where were my manners, really? With the castle empty, I'm having such a hard time being at ease. I need some familiar company. The sound of the wooden door creaking open would have been enough to startle anyone, yet Gaius remained unfazed, eyes staring ahead at the untouched vessels of potions and liquids. Seems like his mind is elsewhere too.

"Gaius?" I call out as my heels clack across the stone floor towards my old friend. The candles on his working table are nearly burned out and yet he remains unmoving. How long had he been like this? I rest a hand on his slumped shoulder.

"A shilling for your thoughts?" I ask. I must have spooked him because he jumps two feet off the chair.

"My lady! What's happened?" Gaius cries out. His brows furrow in confusion but I shrug off his concern.

"It's alright, Gaius. I just came downstairs to see how you are doing. How's your work coming along?" I ask, peering over the vials and a mortar filled with half crushed herbs and roots. The smell is pungent and my eyes begin to water immediately. I take a step back and wipe my arm sleeve across my face.

"What. is. That?" I cough. Gaius guides me to a cushioned bench in front of the fire pit. I welcome the warmth and the fine smell of burning wood.

"Just remedies for fevers and wounds. I take it by your reaction it's not something that smells very pretty." He chuckles as he pulls a small stool next to the fire.

"No it does not. How can you stand it?" I ask. He shrugs as he rubs his hands near the burning fire.

"Oh, it's just something I've gotten used to in my long years as a healer and court physician. There's a lot of smells one gets used to over time and a lot do not give off the fragrance of lovely blossoms, I'm afraid. " He straightens his back and I hear the sound of bones popping. Light from the fire sweeps across his aged face, shadows clinging to his hollow cheeks and wrinkles. I can never think of a time without Gaius in my life. He had tended to my mother during mine and Elyan's birth or whenever any of us had gotten sick. He was always there. Now my pessimistic mind is jumping too far ahead at a future time without him. I don't want to think about it, but seeing him aged and fragile puts me in an even more hopeless mood. What will be left for me in Camelot with everyone gone?

"A shilling for your thoughts, now?" he asks. His words break me from the depressing imagination.

"Oh, I just wanted to know if you needed any help with anything or if you wanted some company," I smile bleakly. Gaius puzzlingly raises his brow at me.

"You know with everyone still gone and the castle so quiet, I'm not one to just stay locked up in my room. I think I'll go mad if I spend any more time in there," I say.

There is a long pause in the air, not that I mind it. Being here is better than being alone in my quiet chambers where everything reminds me of him. His familiar scent still lingering in the bed sheets. His shirts and pants tucked away in the wardrobe. The sounds of his boots shifting against the floor. His bellowing laugh echoing down the corridors.

_Merlin, please keep Arthur safe and bring him home soon._

Perhaps my edginess gave something away because Gaius gets up from him seat and reaches for a small vial among other scattered bottles that lay on a table. He brings it over and places it in my hands.

"Perhaps a sleeping tonic to aid you with a good night's rest," he says while taking his seat again by the warm fire.

"Honestly, Gaius, I am in no mood for sleep. I just really want some company." I place the bottle on the table next to me. My eyes glide over the fire lit room. Books, scrolls, herbs, vials, and glass jars lay unorganized throughout the tables.

"Looks like you can use a hand down here. With Merlin still gone, someone needs to tidy up after you," I smile at my old friend. He chuckles but shakes his head, muttering how he's saving all this work for when Merlin returns.

"And how are you holding up, Lady Gwen?" he asks. I let out a huff of air, eyes trained on the flickering flames ahead of me.

"Just waiting, praying for Arthur and Merlin's safe return," I answer. What else is there to say, really?

Have Sir Leon and the search party not returned yet?" He asks. I keep my eyes on the fire for far too long. My fingers fidgety glide over Arthur's ring. From my peripheral view, he nods his head twice to acknowledge my silent answer.

The halls have been deathly quiet since Leon led a group of knights in search of Gwaine and Percival. They had disappeared shortly after the morning execution. No one knows of their whereabouts. My guess is that they've gone to seek revenge against Morgana. I'm hoping Leon and the rest of the knights will bring them back safely. My mind has not stopped racing since Arthur's disappearance. And now my close friends, Gwaine, Percival, and Leon, have left my side. The loneliness is too much to bear.

"That Gwaine. Always following his heart no matter the circumstances," Gaius mutters. My lips stretch into a little smirk. But it vanishes as quickly as it came as my heart becomes clouded with sadness. I begin to think about my brother.

"So did Elyan. Always followed his heart no matter where it took him. Now he's dead," I say.

_Oh god, and I have always told Arthur to always follow his heart and be true to his self. _

"Gwen-"

"It's been five days," I interrupt. My eyes continue to watch the yellow flames dance and flicker into the cold air. Gaius shifts in his seat. This time, the pause in the air is uncomfortable long.

"Yes, but, a trip to the lake of Avalon is not an easy one to make," he finally answers. My eyes widen in bewilderment.

"Avalon? What on earth would Arthur and Merlin be doing at the lake of Avalon?" I turn to Gaius, who looks confused and shocked for a moment before realizing what he had just said. Perhaps, I wasn't supposed to know of their whereabouts.

"I-, uh-," he clears his throat, muttering how too much smoke from the fire has entered his lungs.

"_Please, Gaius_! Tell me what you know," I plead. He turns away from me, quiet as he was when I had first entered his work room. It's erringly silent once again, the only sounds being the fire crackle and popping in front of us. Shadows danced along the walls, creating strange patterns and movements. It felt like a small eternity before Gaius turned to me again. He lets out a long tired sigh before he starts.

"Arthur was mortally wounded by a sword forged in old magic. I tried to tend to his wound, but no amount of my skills would heal it. I couldn't heal Arthur, Gwen. I tried, but I couldn't," his voice falters and I reach for his hand.

"I am sure you tried everything," I reassure him.

"So he was still alive when you had last seen him, then?" I try to keep my voice calm, swallowing the large knot that built up in my throat. He nods and clears his throat.

"Yes, Merlin then asked me if I knew of a way to save Arthur. I had told him that it would take magic as old as the dragons to heal him. Old and powerful magic still exists in the Lake of Avalon. They will have to cross over the gateway and enter the fae realm where the Shee will be able to restore Arthur's health."

"My lady?" he asks.

My face must have been in awe because Gaius begins looking at me strangely.

_So, there is still hope! _My head swims as I let out my breath I had no idea I had been holding.

"So, that is where Arthur and Merlin are, at the Lake of Avalon," I cry out in marvel.

"Yes, I can only hope so," he nods in agreement. I can feel tears trying to break their way through my eyelids, but I will not let them fall yet. Not now, after hearing such news. I begin pacing, swallowing the cries that try to escape from my lips. My mind begins racing at the thought of Arthur returning home to me. But when will that be?

"Gaius! Do you know how-?" I begin to ask only to see him shaking his head softly.

"I'm afraid I don't know how long such a task would take," he mutters.

"But do you think-"

"My lady, we need to stay positive about this. We need to pray for both Arthur and Merlin's safe return."

I nod my head hastily. "Yes, of course!" I make my way to the door before spinning around and putting my arms around my old friend.

"Thank you, Gaius. Thank you for telling me. I think I will sleep better tonight knowing that there's still hope," I say as I pull away from his embrace. He can only look at me, placing a soft smile on his lips. As I look away to grab the sleeping tonic from where I had placed it, his smile falters but he quickly composes himself again.

I try not to think of his faltering smile as I exit his workroom and make my way to my chambers. What did it mean? It looked so ambiguous, so solemn. Was there a fragment of doubt that cloaked his weathered face?


End file.
